The Last Straw - An Epiphany

I honestly couldn’t decide who to support for the nomination after Chris Dodd dropped out. I really, really couldn’t. I was so proud to be part of the Democratic Party during this historic primary season. I was so completely unable to commit to either candidate that I couldn’t even bring myself to caucus for one or the other on Super Duper Monster Tuesday. I still hadn’t decided by last week.

But now, I’ve made up my mind. And with such conviction that I cannot believe it took me so long to pull my head out of my butt. What finally did it for me?

The claiming of 35 years of experience didn’t do it…
The SNL skit didn’t do it…
The Somalian picture didn’t do it…
The “Is Obama a Muslim?” answer didn’t do it…
The “3am” ad didn’t do it…
The offering of the #2 spot to the #1 candidate by the #2 candidate didn’t do it…
Even the Ferraro comments didn’t do it…

It was the moment today, right after work, when my brain connected all of these things together. I realized that Hillary has run a Republican campaign. She’s used every Rovian tactic in the book, and even a few things that would make the Swift Boaters blush. The math makes it nearly impossible for her to win with the support of the people, and she seems hellbent on taking the Democratic Party down with her when she finally falls. Rove must be so proud.

At the same time, it occurred to me that Obama represents a new kind of politics, even if I don’t fully agree with him and really wish he’d be more aggressive in his healthcare policies. He represents what the Netroots have been trying to do since Dean. He is truly people powered, and seems to have no emotional attachment to the Old Guard. Clinton represents politics-as-usual. For her, it’s all about winning…nothing else, nothing more. It’s not about what’s best for the party, or the country, but what’s best for her and her machine. She is stuck in the old smoky-room mentality where the party elders decide who’s going to be the nominee, and she can’t seem to handle being beat by the people. She’s determined to bring the party down with her when she goes.

After Iowa, I put some serious thought into who I wanted as a candidate. I landed in Hillary’s camp to begin with, for no other reason than I wanted a woman in the White House. I know I was being sexist, I admitted it then, and I admit it now. On all policy questions, I felt the two candidates balanced out; that both had shortcomings and both had strengths and that they were roughly equal in the big scheme, and that either was light-years ahead of anything the knuckle-draggers would pull out of their asses. But I couldn’t bring my self to caucus for her because I knew my reasons were impure. I loved Obama’s vitality and charisma, but knew that if I caucused for him, it wouldn’t be because I thought he was the better person, it would have been because I didn’t want to solidify my sexism by voting for the woman. (I had some regrets about my lack of caucus initially, but since Obama won my precinct by such a wide margin, one more vote for him wouldn’t have mattered.)

Now, I’m so set against Hillary and her tactics that I am actually disgusted with her. At first, when she began her scorched-earth campaign, I made excuses for her. I told people, and truly felt, that I was still all for her, but just didn’t like the people she was surrounding herself with. Then, today, in the midst of my epiphany, I realized these were the same people she’d surround herself with in the White House, and I just couldn’t handle it. Having Mark Penn on your campaign is a judgment call, and a bad one at that. And that’s her judgment.

I was truly, madly, deeply, and still am, in love with the thought of a woman in the White House…just not this woman. I am beginning to understand the people who say they won’t vote for her in the GE, even if it means McCain will win. I would never, ever, say or do that, but I understand how they’ve come to that drastic conclusion.

This isn’t meant to be a “your candidate sucks” post. I do not fault people who support Hillary. That’s the beauty of democracy. The purpose of this post is to chronicle the thoughts that crossed my mind before and since finally choosing my candidate.

So, FWIW, I hereby endorse Barack Obama for the Democratic nomination, and of course, the presidency.